Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Body Swerve

  1. So I'm back from an extended delay. Though my 'fans' out there prolly don't give a shite, considering the dearth of posted messages left on my Blog. Not much has been happening, and I have been HIDEOUSLY PROCASTINATIVE with this blog thing, prolly coz no-one gives a shit. Yes, I am motivated by positive re-enforcement, despite being brought up in the negative. Blabbing. Me and a friend are considering writing a book on 'shitty Aussie music'. Of the fourth biggest Ingrish speaking cunt in the world, we make some of the most HORRIBLE mainstream (yet obscure to the rest of the world) music known to humankind. I mean, we produce music here that is REALLY, REALLY popular amongst Orsies and them alone, such 'fantastic' bands like Something For Kate , Yo Am I, and 'legends' from the 80s like Uncanny X-Men , and the ultimate KING OF ALL AUSSIE DRECK MUSIC : JIMI BARNES . I have a great story about 'Barnsey'. One night coming home ripped off my tits, they played his track 'Ain't no second prize' on the radio. This was around 1990. The sound of the song, everything from the hysterical blare of his voice, to the wanky guitar solo and deadened chords, to the WAY OVERPRODUCED PLODDING MID-TEMPO GATED DRUM SOUNDS, was just too much. I pulled over and dutifully vomited out the door. So me and my mate are thinking about writing the first 'anti intellectual rock crit book', actually it's more like a mutated version of Meltzer's 'THE AESTHETICS OF ROCK' but for shitty obscure mainstream-Aussie music.

    Random nose-picks off the Zen, right here, right now, by resident rock-crit Failed Carcass:

    1. Jandek - The Cell: Part One , Glasgow Monday. Yep. His latest. Possibly very VERY best. Well at least most 'normal'. Jandek plays sad piano, in tune, with some sort of order, sounding like the piano off Sonic Youth's 'providence', while Lee Ronaldo does fucken pavement grinder ambiance in the background. Jandek says 'What do I have?' and sounds like Robbie Robertson. This one, really, really aches, with age.
    2. Hawkwind - Down through the night. From solemn death dirges to drug fucked ecstasy lurches. Acoustic guitar, shimmering wah-wah white noise, and echoplexed horns. It's kinda hippy, strummy, but it's on drugs, so I guess it's OK. '
    3. Hope Sandoval and the Warm Inventions - Untitled Track. More dirgey drone. VERY WARM. VERY TRIPPED. This is the best acid-folk record since the Nico one I yakked about. I fucken LOVE it, my favourite record on the 00s. I listen to this at night and levitate. Betcha yr new records can't get you to do THAT!
    4. Captain Beefheart - Her Eyes are a blue million miles. OK. I admit it. Part of the reason I haven't updated this blog is because I had alot of shit on my plate AND I been smoking a wee bit too much pot. I guess that's why the Zen is performing so well, randomly of course. Emmes!
    5. Sonic Youth - Providence (live CBGBs) - seriously I DIDN'T PLAN THIS IT JUST HAPPENED BY RANDOM, I JUST CLICK >. 5 minutes after I just typed the fucker. This is just phone messages and feedback. Not much really. But that random synergy just happened. WEIRD!
    6. Brian Eno - The Big Shit, I mean Ship - it's great how when Eno produced U2 it just musta been the easiest and best paying gig he ever did. I mean he just fucken said 'here you fucken dumb Irish cunts, sound like THIS'. And those dumb Irish cunts did. 'With or without you!'
    7. Hope Sandoval and the Warm Inventions - Bavarian Fruit Bread - so straight up I get it now. This sounds like Harmonia (Musik Von) with a hot chick with a great voice singing. No wonder its so fucken GOOD!
    8. The Scientists - Human Jukebox - OUCH! I better turn this fucker down. Suicide in a toilet. When Ossie music was interesting at least. More seminal than John Holmes cock. Alot of groovy young bands around Melbourne are sounding like this now. It's kinda cool when you see teenagers trying to sound like this.
    9. Palace - Oh how I enjoy the light. I must admit I really like this Palace stuff, 10 years or so after the fact. It's sounds so 'nice'. But I was never such a big fan of John Denver.
    10. Luna - Bewitched. Tone, tone, tone. This is actually a shitty track. Too twee. There's good tracks on this record. Sterling Morrison played on it too. And played quite well.


swears said...

Yeah, you should definately write a book on shit ozzy music. If you make it funny enough it might even sell a few copies, especially if it's considered "controvertial".

chad said...

Palace is still huge here in Louisville, I see Will Oldham all over town

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